Having difficulty conceiving affects around 1 in 7 couples
Struggling to conceive and infertility affects around one in seven couples and yet it’s something that’s still rarely discussed. It’s such an emotive subject and for a whole host of very valid reasons is considered a very personal and private journey. One of the downsides of this is that couples who are finding it difficult to conceive can end up feeling isolated and alone, particularly when it seems like nobody around them is going through what they’re going through (because even if they are, they’re not talking about it!).
I was discussing my idea for this blog post with a long-term client (who I supported through IVF treatment many moons ago) the other day and she said that she didn’t really talk about what she was going through because she was afraid that she’d burst into tears. She also said that talking to me in her Reflexology sessions really helped her which was so lovely to hear. I often say that receiving some kind of complementary therapy when you’re trying to conceive, either with or without medical intervention, is beneficial in so many ways and isn’t just about the hands-on element of the treatment.
It’s okay to feel the way you feel
Fertility Network UK (a fabulous resource by the way. There’s a link to their website in the paragraph above) lists the following possible emotions associated with infertility or sub-fertility:
- anger
- sadness
- frustration
- isolation
- inadequacy
- guilt
- tearfulness
I’ve come across all of these emotions many times in my work supporting women and couples on their journey, and handed out many tissues in the process. I often say “If you can’t let it out here I’m not doing my job properly!”. Other than sadness, which is always present to some degree, guilt is possibly the most common emotion I come across. When you are finding it hard to conceive it feels like EVERYONE around you is getting pregnant. Of course you’ll feel happy for them, but you may also feel a very strong urge to avoid them which can make you feel guilty. How can you be a good friend and yet still feel angry towards, or jealous of, your pregnant sister/cousin/best friend? I’m here to tell you that this is an entirely natural feeling and one that has been shared by almost every fertility client I’ve ever had. You are not alone.
You may have previously terminated a pregnancy and have feelings of guilt about that decision; wondering if that’s why you’re struggling now. Again, you are not alone.
You may have had a STI in the past and feel guilty that this may be hampering your chances of conceiving. Once more, you are not alone.
The key here is to stop being hard on yourself. The fertility journey is hard enough without you beating yourself up about what’s come before, or the way you’re feeling or behaving now. Be kind to yourself and know that as unique as you are, there are many other people who are going through what you’re going through, and feeling similar feelings to you. You are not alone.
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