Since this post was originally written I’ve had confirmation (I hate the word diagnosis – that’s for illnesses!) that I’m autistic. I’m now awaiting confirmation that I’m ADHD as well. I’ve learnt a lot over the past 12 months so I’ve edited my original post accordingly.
If ever there was a perfect illustration of the fact that we live in a world that isn’t neurodivergent-friendly, it’s the fact that as I write this the WordPress spellchecker keeps telling me that there are no such words as neurodiverse or neurodivergent!
Why am I writing this?
I’ve been wanting to write something about neurodiversity for a while but I didn’t really know where to start. I wondered about doing social media posts about being “neurodivergent friendly” or “welcoming of neurodivergent clients” but that all sounded a bit too much like jumping on a bandwagon which is not my thing at all. What IS my thing is making people feel completely comfortable when they’re here with me, and that starts with creating a therapeutic space that meets the unique needs of everyone.
My experience of neurodivergence
Over the past few years I’ve worked with (and learned from) a large number of neurodivergent clients and have always felt an affinity with them. I first spotted ADHD (and later autistic) traits in my partner, Jamie, a few years ago and started to learn as much as I could about how I could best support him. He tried really hard to take himself through the assessment process but obstacles got in the way at every turn and in the end he decided he just couldn’t put himself through any more.
When I worked in the corporate world I remember doing the Myers Briggs Personality Test and discovering that I was the INFJ personality type. At the time I worked in market research and I was really confused by this outcome. Years later I realised that this was because I was masking so heavily at work (and home) that I had no idea who I actually was! Here’s a description of INFJs: (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging) are rare, principled “Advocates” driven by deep empathy, idealism, and a desire to help others. Known for being insightful, creative, and private, they value authenticity and often feel like “lone wolves”. They are deeply compassionate, yet struggle with intense emotions, burnout, and perfectionism. Eventually I did burn out and it was then that I discovered the benefits of complementary therapy and decided to change my career and become a therapist. Last year I found out that a lot of INFJs are neurodivergent. I sat with that for a while and one day, as I arrived a bit early at work, I sat in my car and completed an online test for autism. Later that week I did the same for ADHD. I scored highly in both. After that I felt really strongly that I needed to get formal confirmation; to help me make sense of my life to date. The process was incredibly hard and at times almost impossible but in the end I received my autism confirmation last month. I’m still waiting to hear about ADHD. So in the same household are two neurodivergent people who have completely different needs and approaches to life.
What all this means in relation to what I do
Firstly what it means is that I’m in the right job (finally)! It’s a common misconception that autistic people don’t feel empathy. The reality is that we have so much of it that we need to be really careful that we don’t overdose on it! It also means that my way of expressing empathy is by sharing my own stories and experiences which I now realise isn’t neurotypical! I am deeply compassionate and that’s why I put so much care into my work.
I also appreciate that there is no such thing as a typical neurodivergent person. What THAT means is that I’m always delighted when my neurodivergent clients tell me if they want me to do anything differently, because I would never assume anything based on my own sensitivities:
A lighter pressure? A firmer pressure? Dimmer lights? Brighter lights? Different coloured lights? More music? Less music? Your own music? Your own massage cream or oil? A warmer room? A cooler room? Less eye contact? Less chat? Not giving you a hard time when you’re always late (even though my autistic brain struggles with it)? Making sure I start bang on time because waiting makes you anxious?
I know that seeing a new therapist or trying a new treatment can be daunting, so I want you to know that all you need to do is ask and I will do my very best to make you feel as comfortable as possible in my therapy room. If you’re not local to me and are looking for a therapist to visit, please make sure you ask them too. If they’re not happy to make adjustments for you, they’re not the therapist for you.
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